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Thursday, February 5th, 2004
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5:52 pm - This is the last song
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As many of you are aware, I am getting married in two days. While this idea utterly terrifies me, it also excites me. I have always seen myself getting married, and now that day has finally come. I am marrying the best person to ever come into my life, and I can not ask for anything more. My life is truly complete.
And with that completion comes the end of this journal. Now I know that it's killing every one of you that I'm leaving, but have no fear, I may return one day. But the way that I look at it is that I started this journal as a "single" guy (I was engaged, but now I'm getting married, so there are two of us instead of one). Now that I am getting married, this part of my life is coming to a close and a new one is about to begin. As the old saying goes, one door closes while another one opens. I have truly enjoyed my time on here, and am so very happy that I have met some incredible people along the way. You will all hold a very special place in my heart. And once I start up again, I will make sure that every one of you is the first to know.
So, on that note, I would also like to leave you with my very last entry for Musical Lyric Monday. It is a song that I have come to love over the last few days by one of my favorite bands. It ranks up there with "A Long December," also by the same band (Stephen, you may want to check the song out). Anyway, here it is, and again, thank you all for everything you have done for me over the years. It has been a blast.
Up all night (Frankie Miller goes to Hollywood)
By Counting Crows
Is everybody happy now
Is everybody clear
We could drive out to the dunes tonight
Because summer's almost here
I've been up all night
I might sleep all day
Get your dreams just right
Then let 'em slip away
I might sleep all day...
And when the roads are clear
You head on out of here
And if you're coming back
I'll see you in the morning
I'm just staring at
The ceiling staring back at me
Just waiting for daylight
To come crawling in on me
I've been up all night
I might sleep all day
Get your dreams just right
Then let 'em slip away
I might sleep all day...
It's too late to get high now
Fix your hair just right
Put your jeans on tight
Or wear a dress so I can get it off real easy
I been thinking I'd like to see
Your eyes open up real wide
The minute that you see me
But if you don't come through
I wouldn't wait for you
I understand that everyone goes disappearing
Into the greater grey that covers over every day
And hovers in the distance...
I've been up all night
I might sleep all day
Get your dreams just right
Then let 'em slip away
I might sleep all day...
It's too late to get high now
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| Friday, January 16th, 2004
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8:41 pm - How is it that...
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When people are protesting against President Bush about not getting overtime pay that they have enough time to take off in order to protest?
current mood:  confused
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| Friday, January 9th, 2004
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10:25 pm - Musical Lyric Monday (the Friday edition)
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I love this song that I've chosen. I was flipping through the channels when I stopped on MTV and saw the video to this song. The video is messed up, but the song is a great rock-pop tune, kind of reminds me of Boston infused with British pop. Anyway, the name of the band is The Darkness and the song is "I believe in a thing called love." Check it out when you get a chance.
I believe in a thing called love
by The Darkness
Can't explain all the feelings
that you're making me feel
My heart's in overdrive
and you're behind the steering wheel
Touching you, touching me
Touching you, God you're touching me
I believe in a thing called love
Just listen to the rhythm of my hart
There's a chance we could make it now
We'll be rocking 'til the sun goes down
I believe in a thing called love
Ooh!
I wanna kiss you every minute, every hour, every day
You got me in a spin but everything is A.OK!
Touching you, touching me
Touching you, God you're touching me
I believe in a thing called love
Just listen to the rhythm of my hart
There's a chance we could make it now
We'll be rocking 'til the sun goes down
I believe in a thing called love
Ooh! Guitar!
Touching you, touching me
Touching you, God you're touching me
I believe in a thing called love
Just listen to the rhythm of my hart
There's a chance we could make it now
We'll be rocking 'til the sun goes down
I believe in a thing called love
Ooh!
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| Friday, December 19th, 2003
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4:28 pm - Oh what a night....one year later
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I am posting Stephen's post first and then will post my own observations a year later. Here you go:
Mid December back in 02. What a very special time for me (not) as I remember what a night.
Oh what a night, you know I didn't even know her face, but it didn't matter in that place, what a lady, what a night.
Oh, I had a real bad feeling when she walked in the room, as I recall it could not end too soon.
Oh what a night, she was drunk and fucking up the night, trying her best to start a fight, I'd like to smack her on that night.
She told John off and the she tried to get on Sean, wanting mindless action that later could be forgotten. Oh what a night!
Oh I had a real bad feeling when she walked in the room, as I recall it could not end too soon.
Oh what night. Why'd she wait so long to leave that night? Should have thrown her out when it was still light, what a lady what a night.
She told John off and the she tried to get on Sean, wanting mindless action that later could be forgotten. Oh what a night!
Oh what a night!
Oh what a night!
As much as Sean wants to forget about last night, it will stay with me for a while. In short, one woman made the night quite miserable. Things got better once she left, but the night was tarnished nonetheless. Besides that incident, I have been thinking about the whole Tabitha thing. I just didn't see it last night, even though Sean insists she likes me. Think it's time to have a chat with Julie soon.
One year later.
Well, I don't even talk to half those people anymore that were at the party. I'm still marrying Lisa, John does NOT talk to that girl being mentioned anymore, and neither do I. Hell, John doesn't even talk to Carol anymore. Maybe I should back up. John was going out with the girl that Stephen is singing about. John decided to call it quits with her at my graduation party. With a note. The girl got very upset by this and started fawning over me. John went into the other room with Carol to talk, making the situation even worse. Of course I didn't help matters when I told the Fontbonne crew that they meant more to me than the people that had been in my life for years and years. That didn't go over very well with the non-Fontbonne crowd.
Anywho, the night just got worse because the girl was getting drunk and saying some nasty things about my friends that were there, along with Colene and Sara doing the same. But it really didn't help that John had to go and break up with this girl at my party. The bastard. It was a little better once the girls left. The damage was done, so I guess they'll be leaving. And they did. And we all had fun. Sort of.
So, a year later, and I don't even talk to those three girls anymore, and I must say that my life is the better for it. And so is John's. And Lisa's. And Julie's. And Tabitha's. I don't know about Carol's.
On a side note: The Tabitha thing never got off the ground. I don't even know if it had clearance. Ah well. Such is life.
Goodnight all!
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| Friday, December 5th, 2003
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4:41 pm - Musical Lyric Friday (A Special Edition)
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I don't any of the old Peter Gabriel albums before "SO," and I'm not really acquainted with any of the songs on his earlier albums until Lisa got me "Hits," his greatest hits on 2 CDs. This album is wonderful, and I highly recommend people get it. So, on to my musical choice.
The song is called "The Rhythm of the Heat," and is very hypnotic. It's starts off quietly and then builds to a crescendo, and ends with a loud bang. The song is just too cool for words. I think everyone who has ever had a bad day or is just looking for something that really kicks ass, I recommend this song. So, here we go.
The Rhythm of the Heat
By Peter Gabriel
Looking out the window
I see the red dust clear
High up on the red rock
Stands the shadow with the spear
The land here is strong
Strong beneath my feet
it feeds on the blood
it feeds on the heat
The rhythm is below me
The rhythm of the heat
The rhythm is around me
The rhythm has control
The rhythm is inside me
The rhythm has my soul
The rhythm of the heat
The rhythm of the heat
The rhythm of the heat
The rhythm of the heat
Drawn across the plainland
To the place that is higher
Drawn into the circle
That dances round the fire
We spit into out hands
And breathe across the palms
Raising them up high
Help open to the sun
Self-conscious, uncertain
I'm showered with the dust
The spirit enter into me
And I submit to trust
Smash the radio
(No outside voices here)
Smash the watch
(Cannot tear the day to shreds)
Smash the camera
(Cannot steal away the spirits)
The rhythm is around me
The rhythm has control
The rhythm is inside me
The rhythm has my soul
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| Tuesday, November 25th, 2003
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5:02 pm
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I have lost my ability to write.
Well, not really my ability to write, but my ambition to write. When I was in college, writing was all that I did and, quite frankly, was what I wanted to do. But now, I have no feeling for it. I feel dead as far as wanting to write. Every idea that I have come up with as far as stories, poems, whatever, I have thrown out because they don't sound appealing to me anymore. I had an idea for a trilogy that I wanted to write that I have had going through my mind for the last five years, and now it just sounds like a really stupid idea that would never sell anyway. I'm not about making the bestsellers list (yeah, bullshit, right?). What I am about is just being able to one day sit down and just write. Write anything. Write something that someone would read one day and say that it had an impact on them. And then be able for them to come up to me and tell me that it had an impact on them. And then I would be able to look at them, sign their book, and just say, "Whatever." No, I wouldn't be that mean. Well, if I were making millions I might...
I've got a wonderful job right now, one that has great potential. In fact, I may be able to go back to school and get a degree in Accounting (I think it's a degree in Accounting), and take over for the guy I'm working with now. Or at least that seems like a plausible plan. But what does that tell me of the degree that I have now. I worked my ass off for four-and-a-half years getting my BA in English, and it wouldn't mean a damn thing. Then there is also the notion that I would not have time to write either; I'd be too busy with school work and work. But the job would be a permanent thing, and would pay really nice, too. Maybe what I could do is take a hiatus as far as writing is concerned, maybe pick it up after I finished school, which would take another two years. But would I have the ambition to start writing again? Don't I need to have the ambition now before I can even think of that equation? God, I miss being in school where I didn't have to worry about the "Real World" until I graduated. But I did graduate, and the "Real World" came right up and bitch-slapped me and said, "Hi, here's your life after college. Make something out of it."
Ever since I was a freshman in high school, I had the dream of being a bestselling author, having tons of fans who adored me and couldn't wait for my next book to come out. Have them waiting in huge lines like they do for "Harry Potter." I even said that to Lisa when we were waiting in line, that one day that would happen for me. But now, I really don't know if I ever see that day coming. I have always been told that I need to strive for anything that I have ever wanted, but sometimes that's really hard to grasp. Not everything is easily give and take. There are sacrifices that have to be made, and I'm sure that any author would tell you that. While they are sitting in their million dollar house. In a chair made of pure satin. Drinking expensive wine and smoking Cuban cigars. Yeah, that's a rough life. For the longest time in my life, that was what I wanted, minus the chair made of satin, the drinking expensive wine and smoking Cuban cigars.
Now, I don't even know if writing is in me anymore. I need your help, guys. I need you to help me get my ambition back. I need to you guys to give me a swift kick in the ass and tell me that this is really my dream, and that this dream really can succeed. I need to you guys to tell me that I can do it, that I can make this all happen.
Then I'll know that you guys are the better writers of the world than I am.
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| Wednesday, November 5th, 2003
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5:34 pm - Musical Lyric Monday (The Wednesday Version)
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I chose this particular song because it hits very close to my heart everytime I hear it. It's from the second album by the Counting Crows, the best album they have ever put out, period, and I like it because in a very weird way, it gives me hope. At the time in my life when this song had a very big meaning, I was searching not only for a reason to live, but to also find that special someone who would help me to learn how to live. It took me four years and numerous times of listening to this song before that day ever came for me. Now, I have everything to live for, and a beautiful soulmate to help me make sure that everything ends up alright.
Lisa, there is one very special lyric that is dedicated to you in this song, and I will point it out right here: "But we only stay in orbit, for a moment of time. And then you're everybody's satellite. I wish you were mine." I love you so much.
So, without further ado, here in the song.
"Recovering the Satellites"
By Counting Crows
Gonna get back to basics
Guess I'll start it up again
I'm fallin' from the ceiling
You're falling from the sky now and then
Maybe you were shot down in pieces
Maybe I slipped in between
But we were gonna be
the wildest people they ever hoped to see
Just you and me
So why'd you come home to this sleepless town
It's a lifetime commitment
Recovering the satellites
All anybody really wants to know is...
when you gonna come down
Your mother recognizes
all your desperate displays
and she watches as her babies
drift violently away
'til they see themselves in telescopes
Do you see yourself in me?
We're such crazy babies, little monkey
We're so fucked up, you and me
So why'd you come home
to this faithless town
Where we make a lifetime commitment
to recovering the satellites
and all anybody really wants to know is...
when are you gonna come down
She sees shooting stars and comet tails
She's got heaven in her eyes
She says I don't need to be an angel
But I'm nothing if I'm not this high
But we only stay in orbit
For a moment of time
And then you're everybody's satellite
I wish that you were mine
So why'd you come home
to this faithless town
Where we make a lifetime commitment
to recovering the satellites
and all anybody really wants to know is...
when are you gonna come down
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| Monday, October 27th, 2003
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5:22 pm - Musical Lyric Monday
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I chose this particular song because in many ways I can identify with it. Peter Gabriel says of this song that at one time he was very much into short wave radio, and he loved how sometimes the signals would overlap and everything would become jumbled. The whole idea behind the song, he said, was that everyone at one time has a flood of thoughts, emotions, feelings, etc. that run through their head, and that some people can handle the flood, while others are consumed by it. Some are able to handle the flood and live through it, while the others are taken over and lose everything because of it. I see myself as actually having both happen to me. I think it all just matters on what kind of day I'm having. Anyway, here you go.
Here Comes The Flood
By Peter Gabriel
When the night shows
the signals grow on radios
All the strange things
they come and go, as early warnings
Stranded starfish have no place to hide
still waiting for the swollen Easter tide
There's no point in direction
we cannot even choose a side.
I took the old track
the hollow shoulder, across the waters
On the tall cliffs
they were getting older, sons and daughters
The jaded underworld was riding high
Waves of steel hurled metal at the sky
and as the nail sunk in the cloud, the rain
was warm and soaked the crowd.
Lord, here comes the flood
We'll say goodbye to flesh and blood
If again the seas are silent
in any still alive
It'll be those who gave their island to survive
Drink up, dreamers, you're running dry.
When the flood calls
You have no home, you have no walls
In the thunder crash
You're a thousand minds, within a flash
Don't be afraid to cry at what you see
The actors gone, there's only you and me
And if we break before the dawn,
they'll use up what we used to be.
Lord, here comes the flood
We'll say goodbye to flesh and blood
If again the seas are silent
in any still alive
It'll be those who gave their island to survive
Drink up, dreamers, you're running dry.
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| Sunday, October 26th, 2003
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3:38 pm - Memories are all I have
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When I was a kid, I loved Halloween. Not because it's my birthday, but because we used to deck the hell out of the house with decorations. Out on the porch, inside the foyer and the living room would be Halloween decoration like you wouldn't believe. We had old records (yes, records) of scary noises that we would play while all the little kids in the neighborhood came to get candy. I myself would go out around 7:30 because I would be waiting for my friend Tim to come over so we could go out together. We would walk a good two or three miles and stay out about two, two-and-a-half hours and get a shitload of candy (we wouldn't use the little bags, we took pillowcases). By going out later, people would willing to give you more candy just to get rid of it. We were smart kids.
But that was long ago, and now I've grown up and have lost the joy of Halloween. I don't know if maybe part of it is because I've never really been able to celebrate my birthday on my actual birthday with my family or if it's because my neighborhood has become a ghost town and there are no kids that live around here anymore. My neighborhood used to be packed with little kids that would come to get candy. I guess those days are over for now until we get couples with younger kids in the neighborhood. It's just really sad to see that my neighborhood has changed so much. People have either moved away, or grown up and gone to other places, or have died; the really sad and morbid things.
I at least still have the memories of how it used to be. And I know that no one can ever take those away from me.
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| Sunday, October 12th, 2003
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7:31 pm - Be back later...
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My Mom is still in the hospital. She's been there for almost a week now, and the doctor's believe she should be able to come home Tuesday. Hopefully this will be the case. She has double pneumonia, so it's not something to play around with. We'll see what happens.
As far as I go, I just have not been in the mood to write. I always get down around this time of the year, especially with fall coming in and winter just around the corner, and now with my mom's condition, I just really don't feel like doing much of anything. So, I'm taking a break from here. Granted it won't be hard to miss me since I haven't written anything in a while. I'll be back soon, I'm sure. Just need to get myself out of this funk and see to it that my mother gets better as well.
See you on the flip side.
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| Friday, October 3rd, 2003
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7:43 pm - What do you think?
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I'm wanting to get a true reaction from everyone who reads my live journal if they would like me to keep with my story of how I met Lisa or if they are already sick of it. Just write me back and tell me what I should do.
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| Wednesday, September 17th, 2003
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5:40 pm - The day that changed my life (part five of an ongoing series)
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After Mary's wedding, Lisa and I really started to get to know each other over the phone. We would spend literally hours on the phone talking about almost everything. Then, when I would get to school, I would write her an email almost everyday. I was crazy about her. But I didn't think she was crazy about me.
I was having problems remembering what she looked like, a vision of her in my mind was starting to fade, so I asked her to send me a picture of her so that I could gaze upon it for hours on end. She said that she would send some out my way and thought that I was a dork for wanting to stare at them all day long.
Anyway, the pictures finally arrived and I was so excited. She had a little note with them, and this not was almost the kiss of death. Almost. The letter basically said that I was a great guy and that someday I would make some girl really happy. The typical "I just want to be your friend" letter. I was crushed by it. Here I thought that I had finally found the one that I was going to spend the rest of my life with, and she was giving me the "friend" letter. I called her that night and was very quiet. I didn't want to tell her what I was feeling or anything, but I knew that I was going to have to try and work harder to win her affection.
I laid it on thick after the letter and after I got over the idea that she was giving me the "friend" blow-off. I was playing the song even more now, and telling her how she needed to dump the asshole and go with me. Now of course this wasn't the best idea since she did tell me that she needed to figure things out on her own and that she liked both of us and that he was coming home with her over the Thanksgiving break and that I wouldn't be able to see her, which was bullshit because I was going to see her whether he was here or not. I was going to do anything in my power to see her that weekend and tell her how much I cared about her.
I had a night class on Monday's from 4:00-6:30 p.m. It was a computer course where we worked in Pagemaker and made really cool things. Anyway, every Monday I would listen to my Counting Crows "This Desert Life" album because it was sweet and upbeat and melancholy all at the same time. Fall was arriving, and with the days getting shorter, my life starts to go downhill a little bit. I get depressed and like to listen to depressing music. Anyway, there was a certain song on the album that reminded me of Lisa called "High Life." Actually, there's just one line in there that always got me. It was, "I don't want to go home alone, I wanna come on home to you."
One particular night (November 20), Monday to be exact, I had Counting Crows going and had had a somewhat decent day. I got home and my father told me that I had to check my email immediately when I got into the house. I went downstairs and got online to check my email and saw an email from Lisa telling me that she had made her decision. I was worried at first and didn't want to read it. I think I actually just stared at the subject for a good ten minutes before opening it. When I finally got the guts to do it, I found that Lisa really did want to be with me instead of the asshole. My heart was beating so fast I think it wanted to jump out of my body. For once in my life, I was going to be truly happy. The next day was a busy one and a good one, but that's another story for another time.
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| Monday, September 8th, 2003
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5:57 pm - The song that drove Lisa crazy (part four of an ongoing series and a part of Musical Lyric Monday)
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This is the song that I played for Lisa over and over and over again to prove that I was the guy for her and not the other one. I think I finally got my message across. Here it is:
Unemployed Boyfriend
By Everclear
[Answering machine:] "Hi, this is Peggy. Leave me a nice message or I’ll kill ya."
"Hey Peggy, it’s me. You are never going to believe what happened to me today. I’m sittin' at the unemployment office, waitin' on my loser of a caseworker, in one of those nasty chairs, when from out of nowhere, this total stranger walks right up to me, sits down, then leans over and says something like, ‘This is gonna sound a little obsessive.'"
This is gonna sound a little obsessive
This is gonna sound a little bit strange
I have one thing to say
Before I turn and I walk away
This is gonna sound a little impulsive
This is gonna sound a little insane
I know you don’t know me yet
But you and I, we will be together someday
Someday
I know, I know, I sound like I’m on drugs
Listen to me when I say
That ever since when I first saw you
Sittin' on your car outside
You asked for a cigarette
I couldn’t stop starin' at your eyes
Ever since when I first saw you
Looking bored in that plastic chair
With the lights of the office around you
Those blond streaks, they look so pretty in your black hair
You look cool and alternative with that disaffected stare
Yeah you want people to think that you just don’t care
Hey you can be with me
Yeah 'cause I just might be the one
Who will treat you like you’re perfect
Who will always make you come
Hey you can be with me
Yes I will always let you win
I will never be like those other guys
I will never be your unemployed boyfriend
"Can you believe he said that to me? To me, of all people! I can’t even remember the last time a guy took me out on a date and actually paid for it!"
This is gonna sound a little bit out there
This is gonna sound a little insane
I keep having the same dream
You will be the mother of my children someday
Someday
I heard you sleep with that obnoxious guy
I know he is in that famous band
You look so sad when you are with him
Yes I never see him reach to hold your hand
Yeah you can be with me
Yes I will treat you like a queen
I will go to all those chick flick movies
That I really don’t want to see
Yeah you can be with me
No I will never let you down
I will never make out with your girlfriend
When I know you’re not around
Yes you can be with me
Yeah I just might be the one
Who will treat you like you’re special
I will always make you come
You can be with me
Yes I will always let you win
I will never be like those other guys
I will never be like those other guys
I will never be your unemployed boyfriend
"Can you believe this? I mean, can this be for real?"
No!
"Then he takes my hand, writes down his number, and just walks away."
Whoa!
"I mean, wow. But you know, the weird thing is, he’s actually kind of cute, in a really intense way. Kinda like Perry Farrell, you know. Intense, but sensitive. Anyway, I told my bitchy sister about it, and she just laughed at me. I told her I'm really excited about this! That I have a really good feeling about this guy! I told her, ‘This could be the guy.’ I’m like..."
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5:34 pm - The day that changed my life (part three of an ongoing series)
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So the day of my sister's wedding came, and it was the day that changed my life forever. Not because my sister was getting married (although that also had a profound effect on my life), but because this was the day that I realized that Lisa was to be the one that I would spend the rest of my life. I'm getting a little ahead of myself.
Lisa and I did talk a little bit the week before my sister's wedding. I finally was able to get her to listen to my side of the story and not Carol's and she actually gave me a chance. It was so nice to hear her voice again. I had been thinking of her ever since I had gotten back, and it was so nice to be able to put a voice to the vision in my head. Although I did tell her that I would need pictures of her not only to be able to gaze upon her beauty but to prove to everyone at school that I had actually met her. She eventually did send me some.
Anyway, my sister's wedding day came and I was a little saddened at the fact that she was getting married. I couldn't believe that the day had finally come. It was a nice feeling knowing that my sister had found someone that she could love the rest of her life, and I was hoping that one day it would happen for me as well. Little did I know that the love of my life was about three hours away.
We had the wedding, and then we went sight-seeing on a really cool trolley where the alcohol was abundant. I will admit that I did get a little tipsy, but that did not cloud my judgment as to what would happen a few hours later.
We got to the reception hall and had eaten dinner and it was time for the first dance between my sister and my brother-in-law. They danced to a Jim Brickman song and I sat at the head table thinking how upset I was that it was my sister and brother-in-law up there dancing and not Lisa and I. This woman that I had met just a week earlier was the one that I was to marry. I knew it at that moment, and in a way, I guess I knew it all along. The song ended, but I couldn't get the idea of Lisa being the one for me. That this wedding that was going on should have been ours. I didn't even know if she had feelings for me. All I knew that I had to do everything in my power to make sure that I showed her that she was the one for me. I would stop at nothing to make her my wife one day. I even found the perfect song that summed up everything that I was feeling for her and that I made her listen to over and over and over again. But that's another story for another time.
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| Monday, August 18th, 2003
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5:32 pm - When it all REALLY happened (part two of an ongoing series)
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My friend John and I were heading up to St. Joseph, Missouri to go see my friend Carol whom John was seeing at the time. She was going to college up there, and John and I decided to head up the weekend before my sisters wedding. We left on a Friday after I got out of class. It took us about five hours to get there because traffic was horrible. We finally made it there around nine and were both hungry.
Now, before I get ahead of myself, I should reiterate the fact that the whole week before we went up there, I was telling Carol that she had to find me someone to make out with. It had been a while since I had been in a relationship with someone, and I was lonely. All through the week, Carol kept telling me no, that she wasn't going to find me someone, so I knew to just let it go.
Okay, back to the story. We decided that we were going to Burger King for dinner and that Carol would drive since she knew her way around the town. On the way to her car, we came upon one of her friends car where she told us that it was her "Bitch's car." I asked her who this person was and she told me her name was Lisa. I asked if she was seeing anyone and she told me she was seeing someone off the internet, so I said that she wasn't seeing anyone. All the way to and back from Burger King, I asked Carol questions about Lisa. She finally said that she would call to see if she wanted to come over and visit us. At first, Lisa said no. But then I told Carol to tell her that if she didn't come over to Carol's dorm (she lived in another dorm in another building), that we would come over there. She finally said yes and that she would be over in a little bit.
When she finally showed up, she knocked on the door and I said that I would get it. I walked over to the door and looked through the peep hole and saw a beautiful woman on the other side of the door. I decided to have a little fun with her and asked her what the password was to get in. She said, "I don't know." and I told her that it was close enough. I opened the door, and it was love at first sight.
She had her red hair up in a ponytail and was wearing her glasses. She had a t-shirt on and jeans and looked absolutely beautiful. Her voice was soft and gentle and her laugh was hearty. I sat back down at the table and Lisa sat next to me. I started talking to her a little bit and then offered her a fry (I never give out my food). She said no thank you and John and I finished eating dinner.
After we had had our fill, we decided to watch "Muppets from Space," one of the best Muppet movies ever made, okay. At that time, I was not aware that Lisa and Carol had talked and that Lisa thought that I was cute. So about halfway through the movie Lisa begins whispering things to Carol. I found out later that Lisa was asking why I wasn't make a move since she knew that I thought she was cute. The movie ended and Lisa went back to her room.
For about a half hour afterwards, I kept asking Carol, "She said she thought I was cute? Really?" To which Carol would answer back, "Yes, she thought you were cute. Do you want me to call her to see if you can over there and talk to her some more?" I kept saying no and then a few minutes later I would ask the question again. Carol took only so much of this before I told her to call her and see what would happen. She called and Lisa said I could come over.
Carol, John and I headed over and after a few minutes of talking, Carol and John left and Lisa and I were left to talk to each other. It was a little awkward at first--we really didn't know what to talk about. But once we found some subjects that we both agreed on, conversation started flowing. We talked for a good two and a half hours I would say. Then it happened. The most pinnacle part of the evening (it was about 3:00 in the morning by this time). There was silence between the two of us, and the attraction was definitely there between the two of us. I looked her straight in the eyes and said the magic phrase: "So, do you want to make out?" Yes, I know. I'm pathetic. But it worked! We had our first kiss after I said that (switching to "I'm sorry I said it that way. Could I give you a kiss?"), and then proceeded to make out for four hours. We finally went to sleep at six and I had to be up at 7 because Carol, John, myself, and a few other of Carol's friends were going to a Renaissance Fair that day (Lisa did not go). I got up, said goodbye to Lisa, realized that I had "left" my watch in her place, so I had to go back and get it, and then said goodbye to her again.
We went to the fair. I didn't have any fun because Lisa was not there and then John and I left that night. Lisa waited until about midnight for us to show up again. When Carol came back, she told her that we had already left, and that didn't sit well with Lisa. I didn't know that we wouldn't be staying another night. I didn't know that I wouldn't be seeing Lisa again for a while. It took me some time before I got Lisa to talk to me again. But it was that next weekend--the weekend of my sister's wedding--that I knew how much Lisa meant to me. But that's another story for another time.
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| Wednesday, August 6th, 2003
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9:00 pm - When it all started (part one of an ongoing series)
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I guess this story really begins when my sister and brother-in-law got engaged. I don't remember the exact month this happened, but I know that it happened at the restaurant that they had their first date, and my family and his family were there for it. I had a feeling I knew what was going to happen that night, but I just didn't want to accept it. My sister and I are very much the same person, only different sexes and ages. It was kind of hard to realize that my sister was going to be getting married. But Steve, my brother-in-law, is a really cool guy, and I knew that no one else would be a good suitor for my sister.
Anyway, we arrived at the restaurant which is based on the movie "Casablanca" which is really a great movie, everyone should go and check it out. It was my mom, dad, Tim, me, Mary, Steve, his parents, his two brothers and his sister. We all had a feeling that this was going to be the time when we would find out that they would be getting married. For me, I think it was the hardest because my sister has always been there for me. Through thick and thin, my sister was the one that pulled me through. I remember when she graduated from high school, I started bawling my eyes out because I thought that my sister was going to be leaving me forever while she was only going to be about 20 minutes away at Fontbonne. She's the one who was able to tell my parents that I should get psychological help the first time. She's the one that's taken care of me over the years. And now she was going to get married.
We had finished dinner, and we were all sitting around waiting to hear the announcement, and then it finally came. They both said that they loved each other and that they were going to spend the rest of their lives together. My mother started crying and my father got a huge grin on his face, but I was the one that started bawling again like I did at her graduation. I felt at that time, and I still feel to this day that it would have been better and easier on me if my sister had told me before the initial announcement. I was sitting next to my sister and she looked over at me and started crying as well. I think she knew that this was going to be a little hard for me to grasp right away. She asked me if I was happy for her and of course I was, but I was too speechless to tell her that. I was happy to see that my sister was getting what she always wanted: a husband and eventually a family.
I don't remember if we were told at that time or a little later that they wedding would be in October, but I knew that it would be a fun deal none the less. Little did I know that one day I myself would be getting married, and that the person I would find myself loving and spending the rest of my life with is the person that I would meet a week before my sister's wedding. But that's another story for another time.
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| Monday, July 21st, 2003
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10:45 pm - Musical Lyric Monday
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Going with a Peter Gabriel song that is one of my favorites right now. The simplicity of the music itself works beautifully with the song for me. Download it and check it out. It's a great song.
THE DROP
By Peter Gabriel
Moving down the fuselage
Toward the open door
Catch you looking down outside
To see what lies ahead
One by one
You watch them fall
Fall through cloud
One by one
You watch them fall
No idea where they’re going
But down
Where they’ve gone
Where they’ve gone
Watching as the sun goes down
I sit inside this plane
Notice how the city lights
Are like the nerves inside the brain
One by one
They’re going out
You watch them dim
One by one
You watch them fall
And wonder where they’re falling to
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| Thursday, July 17th, 2003
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10:38 pm - Another political rant
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First off, this is another political rant, so if you don't want to read it, quit now. Second, Stephen I know you're going to play "devil's advocate," so let's do it face to face instead. Okay, here I go.
President Bush "lied" to the American public when he said the reason we went to war was because of Weapons of Mass Destruction. That bastard. Or at least that's what the Democrats want you to say.
Since the beginning of this war, and even before it started, Bush told us that the main objective was that Hussein had Weapons of Mass Destruction. Then, it was we were trying to save the Iraqi people from an evil dictatorship. Well, Bush, which one is it? Which one were we trying to do? We can't have both, because you never said anything about this war being about saving the Iraqi people. Now come on, get serious here. Just because you toppled Hussein in about a week and a half does not give you the right to think we give a shit about freeing all those people. You "lied" to us, you son of a bitch. Where the hell are those Weapons of Mass Destruction?! That's the whole reason we went to war, right? Right?
Wrong. Well, mostly wrong. Yes, we went to war because Hussein had the potential of using Weapons of Mass Destruction. And believe me people, he would have used them. But this was a man who had been murdering, raping, pillaging his own people for 30 years. Thirty goddamn years. Thousands upon thousands of innocent Iraqi people didn't lost their lives to American troops (while yes, there have been innocent people killed, and I am sorry for that), they have been killed by their own leader, Hussein. What gives us the right to freedom that doesn't give them the right as well?
Democrats are having a field day with this now. John Kerry, Democratic hopeful (and I use that term loosely), says that Bush needs to tell the truth about the war. What truth is that? That we went over there and did what we said we were going to? That we've toppled Hussein's regime? That we've set the Iraqi people free? Hmm...that all seems to be truth to me. Oh, you mean about the Weapons of Mass Destruction. The whole reason we went over there, right? The whole thing that this pitiful party can latch on to now. The fact that Bush has not screwed up yet, and is not running away like a dog with his tail between his legs. The fact that Tony Blair is sticking to his guns as well, while his popularity has ceased to exist. These two are sticking behind what they believe in, something I have yet to see the Democrats do.
Let me take you back a few years, to when we had a President in the Oval Office who name I believe was William Jefferson Clinton. And I believe that it was this said man who told the American people that he, "did not have sexual relations with that woman (Monica Lewinsky)." He lied to the American people. He lied under oath about this ordeal. And everyone, even the liberal media, found it horrible that we would chastise this man for the private actions that would go on in the White House. News flash: The White House is NOT a private place. The White House is what embodies America, it makes us who we are. And he made a mockery out of it, and sadly, got away with it. People say he's the best "President" that we've had since Kennedy. Do you people have shit in your eyes? Are you that blinded?
The way I look at this situation with Bush is this: if it had been a Democrat that had taken us to war (and mind you, they would not have done that unless it meant them getting something in return), then everyone would agree to it, the liberal media, all the liberal people out there, all the non-conservatives out there. And if it had been a Democrat that had "lied" about the whole situation with Weapons of Mass Destruction, the whole thing would be brushed under the rug by all the liberal media and everyone else, just like it was with Clinton. It's sad, but it's true.
As far as I'm concerned, I don't give a flying fuck about Weapons of Mass Destruction. I care about the fact that the Iraqi people are now going to get the opportunity to live in freedom as we have done for the 200 years. God, what a concept that EVERYONE should be able to live in freedom. It just boggles my fucking mind.
current mood:  pissed off
current music: "The Last Song" by The All American Rejects
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| Monday, July 14th, 2003
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10:20 pm - Musical Lyric Monday
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This song is dedicated to Julie and Jeff Ziesemann who found out on Friday that they are pregnant for the third time. I cannot be more happy for them right now, and I hope that everything works out (which I know it will). The song was written by Bob Seger for his greatest hits album and dedicated to his son who was about 18 months at the time telling him that everything in his future would be perfect, just like it will be for Julie and Jeff's new arrival because he/she could not have better parents. Congrats again, guys!
In Your Time
by Bob Seger
In your time
The innocence will fall away
In your time
The mission bells will toll
All along
The corridors and river beds
There'll be sign
In your time
Towering waves
Will crash across your southern capes
Massive storms
Will reach your eastern shores
Fields of green
Will tumble through your summer days
By design
In your time
Feel the wind
And set yourself the bolder course
Keep your heart
As open as a shrine
You'll sail the perfect line
And after all
The dead ends and the lessons learned
After all
The stars have turned to stone
There'll be peace
Across the great unbroken void
All benign
In your time
You'll be fine
In your time
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| Tuesday, July 8th, 2003
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12:09 pm - This is an extremely sad story
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Iranian Twins Die in Separation Surgery
1 hour, 53 minutes ago Add Health - AP to My Yahoo!
By D'ARCY DORAN, Associated Press Writer
SINGAPORE - Iranian twins Laleh and Ladan Bijani, joined at the head for 29 years, died within 90 minutes of each other Tuesday after doctors separated them but were unable to control their bleeding in the unprecedented surgery.
In their homeland, people cried out in shock or wept as state television broke into normal programming to announce their deaths during the third day of surgery in Singapore.
"Is my beloved Ladan really not with us anymore?" Zari Bijani, an elder sister of the twins, said after Ladan's death was reported. Seconds later, she fainted.
Hospital officials said Ladan died 90 minutes ahead of her sister Laleh, with both deaths because of blood loss. They died while still under anesthesia.
"Everyone upstairs is crying," said the nurse, speaking on condition of anonymity. "We treated them like family because they had been here for seven months."
It was the first time surgeons tried to separate adult craniopagus twins — siblings born joined at the head. The surgery has been performed successfully since 1952 on infants, whose brains can more easily recover.
The twins had gone into the surgery saying they knew the risks but wanted to achieve their dream of living independent lives — Laden wanted to continue as a lawyer, Laleh wanted to switch to become a journalist. Speaking in English to journalists last month, their joined heads wrapped in a single scarf, the smiling and laughing sisters said they wanted for the first to look at each other face-to-face.
"We have different ideas about our lives," Laleh said. "Actually, we are opposites," Ladan interrupted, laughing.
"If God wants us to live the rest of our lives as two separate, independent individuals, we will," Ladan said before the final tests Saturday ahead of the surgery.
The risky, marathon separation procedure began about 10 p.m. EDT Saturday. Before the operation, doctors warned that the surgery could kill one or both of the twins, or leave them brain-dead.
"When we undertook this challenge, we knew the risks were great. But we were hopeful. Ladan and Laleh knew the risks too," said Dr. Loo Choon Yong, chairman of Raffles Hospital. "As doctors there is only so much we can do as the rest we have to leave it to the Almighty."
From the start, doctors ran into unexpected obstacles not found in the infants that the operation has until now been performed on. It took longer to cut through portions of the sisters' skulls because their older bones were denser than previously believed.
And though the Ladan and Laleh's brains were separate, they had adhered to each other after years of growing and sharing the same space. That forced doctors to meticulously cut the organs apart, "millimeter by millimeter," Raffles hospital spokesman Dr. Prem Kumar said.
"As the separation was coming to a close, a lot of blood was lost. The twins were subsequently in a critical state," said Kumar.
Working in two groups, surgeons gave each twin blood transfusions, but in the end they were unable to cope with the unusual blood flow patterns, he said.
"I was concentrating very hard on Laleh at the time," lead neurosurgeon Dr. Keith Goh said, recounting the moment when he knew the operation had gone wrong. "I was very saddened when I looked over and saw them struggling, of course at the same time, we were struggling too."
A crucial part of the surgery had been to deal with a finger-thick vein shared by the sisters that drained blood from the brain. In 1996, German doctors had told the twins that shared vein made surgery too dangerous.
During the operation, the surgeons grafted a similar sized vein from Ladan's right thigh to her brain, then rerouted the shared brain to her sister.
But Ladan's new vein became congested, and surgeons Monday night considered wheter to call off the rest of the operation and leave the twins joined or "continue with final stage of the surgery, which we knew would be very, very risky," Loo said.
"The team wanted to know once again what were the wishes of Ladan and Laleh," Loo said. "We were told that Ladan and Laleh's wishes were to be separated under all circumstances."
For more than 50 hours, the team of 28 doctors and about 100 medical assistants worked in tight spaces in front of and behind the twins, who were in a sitting position in a custom-built brace connected to IVs and monitors. Classical music played softly, and surgeons whose expertise was not needed at the moment would slip out of the room for rest.
In the final hours, the surgeons had to contend with unstable pressure levels inside the twins' brains just before they worked to uncouple the sisters' brains and cut through the last bit of skull joining them, Kumar said.
"I am very sad, as all of us are," Goh said. "Over the last six months, everyone who came in contact with them was touched by their personalities and the kind of people they were."
The courage of the twins won them a place in the hearts of Iranians. Television devoted many programs to the twins. Newspapers published page after page about their life and the protracted operation.
Parents of the twins, Dadollah Bijani and Maryam Safari, thanked the Iranian nation for praying for their children, the state-run Tehran radio reported.
"It's a national tragedy," said Ahmad Mahmoudi, a photographer in Tehran.
Housewife Noushin Nowrouzi promptly parked her car after she heard the news on the radio so she could cry in peace.
The sisters were born into a poor family of 11 children in Firouzabad, southern Iran, but grew up in Tehran under doctors' care.
The Iranian government said Monday it would pay the nearly $300,000 cost of the operation and care for the twins.
Participating neurosurgeon Dr. Benjamin Carson, director of pediatric neurosurgery at Johns Hopkins Children's Center in Baltimore, has separated three sets of craniopagus twins.
current mood:  sad
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